MARRIAGE 2.0 (YEARS 21-40)
“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.”
In my sophomore year in high school I sang this beautiful hymn, How Firm a Foundation, and sought out to discover the definition of, "dross." In metallurgy, it is the "scum or unwanted material that forms on the surface of molten metal." In general use it is "waste or foreign matter : impurity." (Merriam-Webster)
It wasn't until year two in marriage that I began to understand the actual meaning of dross and the truths of this sacred hymn. For perspective, my personal brand was always the good kid, generally well-liked by my peers and elders, and usually looked to as spiritually mature. But through my marriage journey I have been humbled and dumbfounded to discover just how much dross I had accumulated in my youth.
My spiritual and professional mentor, Bill Stroup, upon finding out about my engagement, shared some great wisdom with me when he stated, "you will have to learn to love Susanna." At the time, I naively thought the statement was about Susanna. I have found that thought to be woefully misplaced. His statement was about the process of learning to die to one's self and live for another, a statement I have found to be an indictment against my own selfishness and pride and which simultaneously serves as a call-to-action to live a life of sacrifice and service.
Through this process I have found innumerable blessings in the daily friendship of a woman with great spiritual beauty. The journey we have traveled has encountered all the challenges of the human existence. Pain, death, hurt, loss, grief, frustration, failure, we have seen it all in 20 years. And with each challenge we have both been able to see the Lord consume more and more dross from our lives.
2020 begins the twenty-first year of our covenant relationship. More than ever before, amid the great uncertainty in our society, I can say that I love Susanna as never before, that I treasure her, fearfully and wonderfully made, in the image of God. I see her with eyes similar to her creator, fully satisfied in His creation and anxiously awaiting the full revelation of her spiritual beauty.
